


Who Wants To Live Forever

by FoxoftheDesert



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: And a little depressing, And the rammifications on their human spouses, Discussions of the relative immortality of Kryptonians, F/F, Lots of sentimentality because c'mon it's me, Oblique mentions of suicide, Overly melancholy maybe, Shameless Kalex, future setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-05 21:37:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12802890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxoftheDesert/pseuds/FoxoftheDesert
Summary: One night while brushing her hair, Alex discovers a rogue strand of gray.  Wouldn't be too big of a deal, except Kara doesn't take the news so well.





	1. The Tears of a Saint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " _There's no time for us. There's no place for us. What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us?But touch my tears with your lips..._ " Freddie Mercury from Queen's " _Who Wants To Live Forever_ "

Alex Danvers has always prided herself on having keen intuition and a high acumen for learning. As a teenager, she'd awed her teachers at nearly every level with her ability to achieve fluency in subjects as diverse as history and advanced mathematics. As a result, she quickly became accustomed to a cozy residence at the top of her class.

As might be expected, the early grades bored her to tears. She used to sit in class doodling molecular constructs in her notebook or, having finished her assignments early, solving random equations three levels ahead just to avoid giving herself a boredom induced stress ulcer. By middle school when things got moderately interesting again, she was referred to as the nerdy girl whose hand was always up before the teacher even finished asking the question. Fortunately, her athletic prowess upon the soccer field earned her the respect of the popular kids. Everyone stopped their teasing when she scored three goals against her school's arch rival, the last of which won the game in come from behind fashion.

By the end of her freshman year in high school she'd been so far ahead of her classmates that she planned to dual enroll her junior year and graduate early. A certain alien's arrival curtailed those plans. That Alex sailed through with a 4.0 GPA and graduated valedictorian was in spite of her gradually worsening emotional state after the upheaval of a new addition to her family followed shortly thereafter by her father's death. It wasn't until college that she got sloppy enough for her grades to suffer. Alcohol and meaningless sex became her vices of choice to cope with her empty heart, leaving little room for academics. Her eventual recover from nearly losing it all not only due to a stranger's unasked for kindness, but because of her uncanny ability to pick up new things with enviable ease. When she applied herself, that is, which she certainly did after J'onn rescued her sorry ass from prison and helped her clean up her act.

But this evening, decades advanced from that regrettable blot in her otherwise spotless career, the familiar crutch of her heightened perception utterly fails her. And in spectacular fashion.

She's standing at the vanity brushing out her shoulder length hair, pondering whether she should cut it short again or perhaps let it grow out even longer as her wife has not-so-subtly hinted to be _her_ preference. Alex's lazy rumination is severed abruptly when she spots a rogue color amidst the ocean of auburn. She abruptly plucks it out to study it as if it were some alien specimen languishing upon a Petri dish under a microscope in her lab. Her eyes narrow critically as she glares at her very first gray hair.

Although turning gray isn't a particularly joyous milestone, she nonetheless feels a pressing need to share it with the most important person in her life.

"Hey, babe! C'mere!" she calls, her lips suddenly turning up at the corners as a mischievous idea begins to ferment. It takes less than five seconds for her summons to be answered.

" _What'sthematterIcameassoonasIcould,_ " Kara says in a rush upon rounding the corner from their bedroom into the bathroom they've shared a decade and change.

Alex smothers a grin at her wife's adorable expression, the same Kara had worn after discovering their eldest offspring accidentally set the couch aflame playing hot potato with embers plucked from the blazing hearth.

"Calm down," she says, thinking back to Kara's comical reaction. "Nothing's on fire. I just wanted to give you something."

Kara perks up instantly. She claps her hands as she does a little impromptu happy dance. "Oh! A surprise? What is it?"

Feeling playful now due to Kara's ebullience, Alex clears her throat, then begins to hum the opening notes to Strauss' " _Also sprach Zarathustra_ " including an exaggerated mimicry of the famous timpani section. As she performs the piece, she methodically extends her arms toward Kara, one hand supporting the other, which is concealing the prize beneath folded fingers. At the crescendo, she produces the gray hair pinched between her thumb and forefinger and offers it to her giggling spouse.

Unfortunately, Kara's bubbly giddiness is rudely halted upon spotting the notably abnormal hair. Her eyes widen as complexion turns ashen. "Wha – what's that, Alex?"

Brows drawing together in confusion at Kara's strange reaction, Alex deliberately enunciates the obvious. "It's a gray hair. _Duh_. I found it just now doing my nightly brushing." Kara doesn't respond. She just stands there staring, turning paler by the second. Naturally, this concerns Alex a great deal. "Kara? Hello? Earth to Kara. Babe? _Kara_!" The raised voice does the trick. Blue eyes flit up to hers that are rapidly welling with unshed tears. "Hey...what's wrong?"

"You have a gray hair?" The question comes out as more of forlorn sigh.

Alex purses her lips at the muted response. She'd expected some laughter, maybe a little playful jesting. This, though...this was totally confusing.

" _Umm_...yes?" she says. "I am forty-five, hon. Not getting any younger here, that's for sure. And with the life we lead, I'm kinda shocked I didn't get one sooner."

Again, Kara says nothing. But she does reach out to take the hair from Alex by gently pinching it between her own fingers. She then wordlessly swirls away and shuffles over to the bed, then plops down heavily upon it. Hands in her lap, she stares down morosely at the offending object, chest barely moving to indicate she's breathing. A curtain of golden tresses conceal her expression, but Alex hears the choked sob that rattles Kara's frame in crystal clear surround sound.

Paralyzed by shock, Alex watches this unfold, more mystified than ever. But before she can even rub two brain cells together to figure out what's happening, the single gasping sob becomes torrential weeping. So forceful is Kara's dismay that Alex is reminded of the weeks right after her Kryptonian soul mate – and that's what Alex believes Kara is; 'cause how can they not be all things considered? – came to live with her family in Midvale. Terrified, lonely, and mired in unfathomable despair, the emotionally vulnerable teenage Kara would curl up in the corner of her new room, hugging her knees as she silently cried for all she'd lost. And it was so much. Alex never could quite understand how Kara felt until she lost her Dad, and even then her grief was only a drop in the bucket compared to Kara's. Once, she was so distraught her entire body shook, and the force of it made the whole house tremble. Even the neighbors noticed, though her parents told them it was only a minor earthquake, a lie believed to this day. In retrospect, Alex's experience losing her Dad the way she did made Kara's epic breakdowns at the very least comprehensible.

But no matter how profound her sadness, and no matter how hard she cried, Kara never uttered a noise. She just wept silently, sometimes curled up in a ball, sometimes sitting on the edge of her bed kneading frenetically at her jeans until she tore the knees or our burned the denim off. And when it got too much, she would tremble from head to toe until the floors started to vibrate, which alerted Alex to an impending emergency she would head off by giving Kara what little comfort she could.

Unlike when they were young, though, Kara is currently being anything but silent. She's crying so hard, heaving sobs that leave her gasping for air, that Alex is concerned she'll make herself sick. For a while, she can't do anything but watch, too perplexed to spring into action. And when she does snap out of the spell, ready to intervene in an attempt to calm her distraught spouse, their son comes to the door to check in on them.

"Is Mommy okay?" he asks, eyes huge with tentatively restrained fear.

At age eight, Jeremy Kaleb Danvers is four feet ten inches of solid half-Kryptonian who is, according to Kara, the spitting image of his namesake grandfather. The alien one, that is. His middle name is of Hebrew origin, and a passable translation with which Kara could honor her biological father, whose name in Kryptonese means: _strong of heart_. There are the rare times that Alex will notice tears in Kara's eyes obviously brought about by something Jeremy has done or said that sparked a particularly poignant memory of Zor-El. Mostly, though, the resemblance has positive connotations for Kara, and often Alex will catch her staring at their son with a wistful smile that announces a nostalgic visit to the intricate, perfectly preserved vault of memories where her slain family live on in perpetuity.

There's a lot of pride in those smiles, too. Not that Kara is alone in feeling that way about their son. Alex is diligent to wax poetic to everyone wwilling to listen, and even a fair few who aren't, how amazing her boy is. There is no doubt that Jeremy is objectively gifted both physically and mentally, which isn't all that big a shock considering his heritage. But Alex believes he has something of his own to offer beyond the accomplishments of his parents and grandparents, something special that isn't tethered to the exceptional genetic lines from whence he proceeded. Whether that's as the planetary geologist he says he wants to become or as a superhero who saves the world like his Mommy and his Uncle Clark, she can't wait to watch him unveil that special something to the world.

That said, as much as Alex adores her son and could spend hours simply staring at him in awe or pontificating endlessly about his meritorious attributes, his unexpected arrival at the bedroom door sparks her into action. She and Kara don't bicker much and rarely ever indulge fits of melancholy, but when they do, they shield their children as best they can. Not that they want to project a marriage that is without ups and downs, which theirs isn't, but that they want their kids to have as normal a childhood as possible when one mother is Supergirl and the other is the co-director of the D.E.O. Protecting the kids sense of normality isn't limited to bodily harm, but to mental and emotionally stress as well. Their parents have agreed that when they're a little older and better equipped to process the realities of a relationship, there will be more transparency.

Until then, however, Alex can't have her son witnessing his blonde mother's scary loss of composure.

"Mommy's fine. She just needs a minute alone," she says as she ushers her son out of the bedroom. She tries to sound reassuring over the heartbreaking sound of Kara's continued sobbing, but Jeremy doesn't appear convinced by the lie. Needing to reassure him lest he grow frightened, Alex pads her deflection by adding a half truth, "Look, there's no need to worry. Okay? Mommy's just emotional right now. We watched a sad movie while you were at Jonny's, and you know how sensitive she is."

They had indeed watched a rather depressing flick, only it wasn't the cause of Kara's current state. But her son doesn't need to know that even his Mom has no idea what's going on with Mommy, especially since he had such a good day. Which is another reason Alex opted to for forego transparency. She doesn't want her son stressing over whatever is going on with Kara while he's still riding the high of an afternoon of mischief with his cousin-slash-BFF.

The aforementioned Jonny is Clark and Lois' son, who just so happens to be precisely the same age as Jeremy because they were conceived only weeks apart. They've been thick as thieves since they were old enough to crawl, and that bond has only strengthened now that they are both dealing with the pressures of school and the judgment of other students who can somehow sense there is something different about the Kent and Danvers kids. So they lean on each other, and Alex is glad of it.

In retrospect, the boys' mutual support system is yet another boon to having agreed with Clark and Lois that it was best to do the implantation procedures around the same time. It was hard enough growing up on Earth as normal kid. Alex witnessed Kara's struggles to adapt first hand, and according to Martha, Clark had endured much worse. None of them wanted that for their own children, so they conceived close together and both families relocated to a respectably sized town dead center between Metropolis and National City. The distance means the Kryptonians have to fly their spouses to and from work each morning, but it's a compromise they have all adapted to for the sake of their kids, who are, in and of themselves, living miracles.

Some years after Alex and Kara came to their senses and confessed their love, Kara and her cousin stumbled upon mentions in an ancient Kryptonian manuscript detailing an expedition some fifteen thousand years ago to the solar system that included depositing critical back-up vessels on Mars. After journeying to the Red Planet together, they unearthed a Genesis Ship with a functional birthing matrix buried in the northeastern hemisphere. It had been meant for a secondary Expansion Program should the initial Kryptonian sortie to Earth fail. It was never retrieved because the Kryptonian's that colonized the ancient earth became so enamored with the planet that they abandoned plans for terraforming in favor of biological assimilation with the earliest modern humans. And though the civilization they founded vanished within two millennia, their contribution to the human genome lives on.

Alex, herself, is the result of this blending of Kryptonian and ancient human DNA, descended from the house of Zod through both mother and father. According to the Kelex module in the Fortress of Solitude, the miniscule Kryptonian genetic material within her accounts for her high intelligence and physical capabilities in addition to providing a fringe benefit that allowed her to procreate with Kara through the birthing matrix with little to no modification to the parameters. Lois had some Kryptonian DNA as well, which elated both her and Clark, because that meant they had the option for a natural birth if they so chose, as did Alex and Kara. Whereas Lois and Clark had two more children in rapid succession, Kara wanted to temporarily delay further expanding their family after Jeremy was born.

" _I'm not getting any younger," Lois had told Alex, "and Kelex says my genome is not as highly infused as yours with Kryptonian genes. I want a big family, so does Clark. And neither of us want his species to die out any quicker than necessary."_

" _An opinion I share," she had said, a bit disappointed she was going to have to wait. "But Kara says she's happy with one for now. I won't push her for more even if I'm open to the suggestion."_

Six years later Kara changed her mind. Since Alex hadn't been the one holding them back, she got to carry their second little bean. It was a hard nine months considering her age; she had just turned forty-two when their daughter was born. Lately, Kara has been dropping hints she wants another turn. Alex is more than willing to have another baby in the house, but not for another year or so, when Hannah will have moved out of the holy terror stage where she's breaking everything in the damn house not laced with microscopic amounts of Kryptonite because she has no concept of self-control.

In a strange turn of events, something about Alex's DNA having relatively large amounts of Kyptonian material in it, among the largest percentage among humans whose DNA is on record according to Kelex, prevents her from being harmed by the children's manifesting abilities. Which is weird because Kara _can_ hurt her, and has when under the influence of certain nefarious substances. She has a theory that its because she shares half of her children's DNA, but she's yet to test it properly for reasons she'd rather not think about at present.

"Oh. Why'd you do something silly like that?" asks Jeremy in regards to Alex's feeble attempt at dismissing his concerns over Mommy's undeniable despair. He frowns in that adorable, puppy dog way of his that is way too Kara for Alex's taste. It's hard enough for her to say no when her wife hits her with those irresistible expressions, but it's entirely hopeless when she gets tag-teamed by a son-slash-wife conspiracy. Hannah, thankfully, looks more like a combination of her Grammas Liza and Alura, all blonde hair, blue eyes, and enormous dimples, thus her pouting – while too cute for words – doesn't quite pack the same punch.

 _She looks like Astra, too,_ Alex adds to herself. _Can't forget the aunt who came back from the dead._

Apparently Kryptonians can't die if they've been exposed to earth's sun long enough, unless, that is, they are totally drained or their heads removed. Alex knows these conditions to be required because the theories behind them _have_ been tested, once with Non who broke out of prison and was crazier than ever. Astra relieved her husband of his head in a showdown for the ages. It was also Astra, with Alex's assistance this time, who proved the second method of Kryptonian permadeath on another Fort Roz escapee Non retrieved from the station's current location orbiting the moon. After Astra had exhausted the man, an ex-mercenary named Kron-Ul, so thoroughly that he blew his powers, Alex shot him with a dart containing enough highly concentrated kryptonite to neutralize a half dozen Kryptonians, and then in short order put a 5.56 NATO round through his skull because the bastard had nearly killed Kara in a fight the day before. Needless to say, he stayed dead.

"What can I say, honey, adults are just silly," Alex says, frowning internally at the path her thoughts wandered down.

She hated remembering how crazy she became as Kara plummeted forty-thousand feet because Kron-Ul fought dirty. Son of bitch had laced his blade with kryptonite. There were still agents who wouldn't look her in the eye because she'd either done them bodily in her foolhardy haste or had given them a dressing down, replete with creative threats and foul expletives that rendered them little more than shell-shocked, quaking, terrified impediments to reaching her most important person in the entire universe.

"You can say that again," Jeremy says, rolling his eyes and breaking the connection with those awful memories.

 _At least his mannerisms are mine_ , Alex thinks, smirking as she guides her son by the shoulder into his room. Once Jeremy is settled back in, Alex returns to find Kara waiting for her at the foot of their bed. Already divested her clothes, wearing one of Alex's oversized sleeping shirts and little else, she nervously rubs her long, tanned legs before glancing up at Alex.

"Sorry about earlier," she says, cheeks and neck flushed with the remains of her sorrow and a whole lot of unnecessary embarrassment.

"'S'okay," says Alex. Smiling gently, she ambles over and then crouches in front of Kara. Hands on the smooth skin above her wife's knee, she searches those lovely blue eyes in a vain attempt to discern what caused the meltdown that scared both her and their son. "Do you mind telling me what it was about?" she probes. Kara had been more traumatized by the gray hair than Alex was, and that has her apprehensive enough that her muscles are tight as a drum.

Kara shakes her head, eyes flitting away from Alex's. "Nothing," she says, reserved and alarmingly shuttered off. "Can we just chalk it up to the movie? I mean, it was _so_ sad."

Brows arching, Alex eyes her clearly defensive wife. While Kara cries at the least provocation during an emotionally charged film, her near-hysterical sobbing this evening was something altogether uncharacteristic.

"It was very sad," she says, rubbing along the length of Kara's impressively toned thigh, "but we both know that's not the reason. C'mon. Talk to me, Kar. Don't shut me out."

"I just...I can't." Kara shakes her head, eyes watering up again. "Right now, I just want want you to cuddle me. Will you?" When Alex's jaw sets, resistant to shrug this off, Kara pulls out the big guns. Lower lip jutting out, huge moon eyes, chin crinkling with feigned emotion. " _Please_?"

Sighing in resignation, Alex squeezes Kara's knee. "Fine. We can set this conversation aside. _For tonight._ But we're gonna talk about this later."

"'Kay!" Kara says, triumphant. And then in a blur of motion, she's off the bed and tugging Alex into her pajamas before speeding onto her side of the bed.

Alex heaves a second sigh, then climbs in behind her silly, frustrating, wonderful Kryptonian. Once her arm is wrapped securely around a trim waist and she's scooted forward until their bodies are flush, she nuzzles her nose in Kara's sweetly fragrant hair. Smiling when she hears a little noise of contentment from her partner in all things, she settles in for a long night.

And while Kara sleeps soundly, Alex spends half of it stewing on Kara's troubling reaction to the gray hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is been done before, by better authors than me, but it was something that stuck in my head until I exorcised it in text format some months ago. Got around to finishing and polishing it up after my obligations were met for Red Queen Week over in the OUaT fandom. I've always been enamored of the idea of an immortal having to face their mortal partner/spouse dying of old age, and Kalex provided me with the motivation to do just that. I hope this piece is at least somewhat coherent. 
> 
> I plan on posting this up fairly quickly as it is pre-written. Maybe every couple of days or so? We'll see.
> 
> P.S. Consider this my Thanksgiving for the incredible gift that is Kalex!


	2. Space Dad's Give the Best Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Kara's breakdown, Alex receives some enlightenment from her Martian boss/dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " _Who wants to live forever, who dares to love forever, when love must die._ " Freddie Mercury from Queen's " _Who Wants To Live Forever_ "

The next morning Kara refuses to discuss her mystifying breakdown, much to Alex's frustration. Instead of opening up, the stubborn Kryptonian sticks to their every day routine. Up with the sun, Kara bathes and then does some work on her latest piece for CatCo's new interactive blog she is spearheading. Alex doesn't bother her as she grumbles her way to the shower to wake up, and once she's out, Kara has retreated to pray in the sunroom they'd had added to the house when they bought it. Deciding to make some headway on her paperwork, Alex dresses quickly and then sequesters herself in their study.

By the time she emerges an hour later, Kara is rousing the kids early enough to have a family breakfast. The event is more subdued than usual, as everyone is stressed for their own reasons, including Jeremy, who keeps worriedly glancing between his unusually formal parents. The only exception is Hannah, who merrily babbles nearly the entire meal, and who manages to break up much of the tension with her adorable chatter in between spoonfuls of cereal and surreptitiously launching the four-leaf clovers out of her Lucky Charms at her brother.

After breakfast, they all pile in to Alex's SUV to first drop the yahoos at school and then make their way to a parking garage nearby that accommodates a superhero changing into her uniform without fear of prying eyes. The subsequent flight from Kansas to California is accomplished with very little in the way of conversation outside of some small talk about the kids and some DEO obligations that Kara has been putting off long enough.

For the most part, Alex plays along with the mundane direction of her morning for the sake of domestic peace, but by the time she reaches the DEO, she's whipped herself into such a tizzy that she barges into her boss' office without invitation.

"You're gonna have to help me out here," she says, pacing like a maniac as J'onn stares at her like she's lost her damn mind. To be fair, she kind of has. She'd made a good show this morning of being okay, but she isn't okay. Not even remotely. "I have no idea what's going on with Kara. Last night she had a meltdown over something totally insignificant and I can't figure out why. She won't talk to me about it, either, and that's just _driving me_ _batty_! Thing is, I don't wanna jump to conclusions like I did last time..."

The time she's referring to happened five years ago when Kara started acting fidgety and secretive, particularly whenever one Lena Luthor was in the vicinity. Alex, being a natural cynic, jumped to the wrong conclusion in spite of her overwhelming marital fulfillment and stability. Of course, Kara _hadn't_ been having an affair. Of course, Kara _had_ been conspiring with Lena to build Alex a new energy-based pistol for her upcoming birthday using designs L-Corps had only recently developed. The tech wasn't even ready for patenting yet and Kara still sweet talked her uber-rich and disgustingly brilliant BFF into breaching her obligations as a CEO to make her friend's wife's fortieth birthday the best ever. Crow has never went down easily for Alex, and that incident was no exception.

"Slow down, Alex," J'onn says, setting his elbows on his desk and folding his hands. "Take a breath. Count to ten. And _then_ tell me what's going on."

Nodding, Alex heaves a deep breath and then blows it out with huff. She sweeps a hand through her hair as she counts down. Now feeling a bit more centered, she maneuvers around the chairs in front of the desk and plops down heavily into the one she typically prefers.

"So I found a gray hair last night," she says after a pause to collect her thoughts. "Shouldn't have been a big deal, right? But when I showed it to Kara, she freaked out. And when I say that, I mean she cried so hard she nearly made herself sick. Scared the hell out of me. Jeremy, too. But then afterwards, she brushed it all off as it meant nothing, and did the same this morning." J'onn says nothing, just stares at Alex with a tell-tale crease upon his dark brows. She scoots forward in the chair to lean over the desk. "What is it? I know that look. You know why she acted that way, don't you?"

J'onn sits back and scrubs a hand over his face, looking pensive. "I'm hesitant to speculate. But, yes, I believe I do."

Since no elaboration seems forthcoming, Alex purses her lips. "Care to share?"

J'onn heaves a weary sigh, as if his deduction is causing him apprehension outside of what it means for Kara. When Alex raises an eyebrow, all but demanding he simply lay it out for her with his patented precision candor, J'onn does just that.

"Right now," he says, "I'm living what Kara will be forced to endure in approximately thirty to forty years."

Momentarily confused, Alex tumbles those figures around in her brain for a connection. It only comes when she remembers something she'd thought of the night before, about how Astra had resurrected from the dead because Kryptonians exposed to earth's yellow sun can spontaneously resurrect under the right circumstances. Well, that isn't the only effect Sol's radiation has upon a Kryptonian body. Essentially, their alien cells are so energized, they rejuvenate perfectly, meaning Kryptonian's don't really age. Ergo, Kara is likely to be condemned to eternal life, bound to persist while all those she loves will grow old and die – save her aunt and cousin, of course. The list of future casualties to human age-related decay includes her wife, and her children as well should their mixed DNA not afford them Kara's longevity.

That both kids have already manifested powers gives Alex some measure of hope that Kara won't lose them all. Hell, Jeremy is already taking lessons from his superhero parent on how to harness his inordinate strength, speed, leaping ability, and overall dexterity, " _for emergency purposes only, young man!_ " Meanwhile, Hannah sometimes floats inadvertently and would have mangled every toy given to her unless her parents hadn't learned the hard way with with her brother that half-Kryptonian children require specially crafted playthings. There is, then, a distinct possibility they will share Kara's lifespan. That said, it's equally plausible that their powers won't mature into the godlike abilities their blonde mother possesses, and neither Alex or Kara are keen on the idea of subjecting them to intensive and potentially invasive tests at the Fortress to determine such specifics.

Alex can only pray to Rao that their kids are more Kryptonian than human, if only for Kara's sake. It's going to be hard enough as it is for her to deal with Alex's unavoidable death sometime in the indeterminate future.

"Oh, shit. _Shit_! Shit, shit, shit!" Alex sinks into her chair, horrified at how dense she's been, and at the implications of J'onn's conclusion.

Of course, it's not the first time she's thought about how Kara will outlive her by orders of magnitude she can't begin to calculate. It was a topic Alex attempted to breach many times after their engagement only to be resolutely shut down. The knee-jerk negative reaction from Kara remained consistent even after they were married. And then, when immersed within the beautiful bubble of being newlyweds and wanting to avoid upsetting their untempered joy, she simply relegated any consideration of the aging dilemma to the background. Eventually she'd all but forgotten about it, and was now being punished for that inexcusable lack of spine. As was Kara, for that matter, who evidently hasn't attempted to process the repercussions of their inevitable separation any more than Alex has over the past decade.

J'onn nods at the vulgar sentiment, frowning deeply. "Indeed."

"I can't believe I didn't put two and two together," Alex says, worrying her trembling hands together. "This is because I'm human, because I'm aging. Because..."

"Because," J'onn picks up when Alex falters, "one day you will leave her forever and she will be forced to carry on without you." He leans forward, eyes kind but also so very sad that Alex wants to cry for his ever-present pain just as much as for what Kara will have to go through. "I can't predict what Kara will do when that day comes, nor can you. What I _do_ know is how deeply she loves. Especially where you are concerned. You are her whole world, Alex, and have been since she was a young, lonely, grieving refugee carrying the weight of dead parents and a dead culture and a dead planet on her back. And now that she's enjoyed the privilege of loving you the way she's always dreamed of, it's going to be so much worse for her."

J'onn trails off, sorrow etched deeply into his features, creasing his cheeks, furrowing his brows, dulling his eyes. "I speak from experience regarding this...sensitive issue," he says a beat later, eyelids pooling with moisture. "When you want something so badly that desire for it consumes your every waking moment, only to finally obtain it and discover it is infinitely better and more precious than you had ever imagined? Well, the thought of losing it becomes intolerable. I had my family for only a bit longer than Kara has had hers to date, and if I have anything to say about it, there are many years yet before you will say your last goodbyes. But unlike Kara, I have some consolation in that I will not persist indefinitely, whereas she very well may. Can you imagine carrying such agony on into eternity?"

Feeling sick, Alex blanches. Kara's torrential sobbing last night suddenly makes so much sense. It was a preview, a fleeting glimpse, of the despair she will have to live with upon the eventuality of Alex's death. Whether of old age or due to her inherently dangerous job, dying is not something Alex can avoid. Medical science is advancing rapidly, and there is certainly alien tech floating around that could prolong her lifespan, but both possibilities have their limitations when, at the end of the day, she is still a human being, doomed from inception to expire in less than a century.

Faced with the catastrophic effect that awful inevitability is going to have on Kara, Alex has never felt more feeble, limited, and inadequate. No matter what she does to mitigate the blow of her exit from the world, she is going to leave behind wounds and scars in Kara's heart that may never heal. How is she supposed to bear the weight of such knowledge and not buckle under the pressure or simply go insane? For God's sake, it kills her now to see Kara in any sort of pain whatsoever.

Once, Kara contracted the flu when she was vulnerable, having epically blown her powers, and Alex spent days vacillating between crippling anxiety over a fever that spiked far higher than any human could withstand and heart-stopping panic that Kara had died whenever her labored breaths cleared of wheezing for any extended period. During the worst of the sickness, Kara was vomiting every hour on the hour and spent the interim periods moaning or groaning or sobbing due to full body aches until she mercifully exhausted herself to sleep, only to start the whole process again an hour later. On breaks from washing Kara's frightfully heated skin with a cool, damp rag or keeping a fretful vigil at her bedside, Alex took to pacing the roof of their apartment building, hands tugging painfully at her hair as she cried silently or screamed out her fear and frustration toward the heavens. And she'd known then without a doubt that Kara would recover. But this? This is something else altogether. This is an infection the body can't fight, not even a Kryptonian one, because it burrowed into the heart, soul, and mind.

Alex has seen such a malady at work before. When Kara first came to live with her family in Midvale, she used to curl up into a little ball in the corner of their room, shaking like a leaf, not because she was afraid of her new powers but because she was so heartbroken over all she'd lost that her body could hardly regulate itself. It was Kara that introduced Alex to what spiritual grief looked like. To think her own death would do much worse to Kara was unfathomable, and yet undeniable, which left Alex unable to properly grasp how to handle that macabre responsibility.

"What am I gonna do?" she asks, casting begging eyes up to her mentor.

J'onn responds with a devastatingly sympathetic smile. "Just be there for her. Try to keep her distracted until her bouts of sadness pass. Give her as many memories to cling to as you possibly can. Make her happy at every possible turn. You've been doing a wonderful job thus far, so keep at it. That's all you can do."

Alex nods, then swallows around the bile climbing the column of her throat. "Still...when I die..."

"I'm afraid there's no preparing her for that eventuality," J'onn says, tone and expression brokering no misinterpretation. It's the way a person talks and looks when they have reached the end of their rope only to discover it frayed and incapable of bearing their weight. It's the look of someone who has stopped shying away from death, rather seeking its escape as a rescue from their miserable existence.  
Alex groans, and is barely able to choke down the vomit that is threatening to paint her boss' desk the color of her breakfast. When she's able to speak, she stutters for terrified dismay. "J'onn...is she gonna...? Will she try to…?" The very idea is so abhorrent, so terrifying, she can't even give it voice.

"Hurt herself?" he supplies, eyeing Alex piteously. "As much as it pains me to admit, I would say it is likely. I almost did." Alex can't hide her shock, can't imagine her strong, steadfast mentor ever arriving at a point in his life where suicide seemed a viable option. Then again, she hadn't known him when he lost everything he loved. He goes on, heedless of Alex's reaction, "The only thing that stopped me was a fleeting hope for vengeance and a promise I'd made to my wife to never give up. But if I hadn't made that promise, hadn't fallen back on the insatiable desire for revenge, I might well have ended my suffering. I can't imagine it will be any different for Kara. Or Kal for that matter. Watching those we love die is the curse of such long lives."

Alex shudders at the gravity of that statement. In allowing herself to accept all of what Kara was offering her that fateful day so many years ago, she'd inadvertently condemned her to a doom she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy. She'd known she was being selfish, but Kara was so gorgeous and earnest and impossible to deny with those huge blue eyes beseeching her to give in to their undeniable attraction...

"How am supposed to live with this?" she asks through a mangled sob. "How can I go on knowing what she's gonna go through? That I'll be the cause of so much pain for her? I-I should never have given in to her. I should have kept her at arm's length, been content with the relationship we had. She could've moved on, found someone else to share her life with. Someone..."

J'onn cuts her off before she spirals into self-recrimination and loathing. "Someone she might could get over more easily? That's a mighty high opinion of yourself, Agent Danvers."

Alex huffs, swiping angrily at the tears cascading down her flushed cheeks. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

J'onn reaches out for her hand, and rather than rebuff the gesture of comfort, she clings to it for all she's worth, clutching J'onn's hand so hard her knuckles pop in protest.

"I do know that," he says, returning a more gentle squeeze. "But you can't afford to think that way. Not only is it unproductive, it's harmful to you and to Kara. Right now, she's reeling from the finality settling in of your finite future in comparison to her never-ending one. If you push her away now when she needs you most, she may well tumble over that precipice I only narrowly escaped."

"What do I do then?" Alex asks, desperate for any sage advice she can apply to her precarious situation. If anyone can help her do the right thing, say the right thing, it will be J'onn.

He smiles then, gently, fatherly, and not for the first time Alex is glad she'd nearly flushed her life and career down the toilet, if only to have this amazing person in her life. For all intents and purposes, J'onn is the second father she'd never asked for but nonetheless cherishes. He really is her Space Dad – Kara's, too – and, except for when he'd walked her down the aisle, she's never been more grateful for him.

"When she needs you close," he says, "hold on tighter than you ever have, and don't let go for anything or anyone. When she needs space, give it to her. But never let her forget that you're there, waiting for her, ready to hold her, or talk things out, or just sit quietly and be together for a while. Be constant for her in all things. Take every available opportunity to exceptionally prove how much you love her while also embracing the mundane aspects of domesticity. Remind her of the good times and learn from the bad. Be yourself with her and let her be herself with you. And most importantly, tell her you love her every single day, and back those words up with actions."

"But will all that be enough?" Alex asks, still afraid that her best won't sustain Kara after she's gone. As J'onn said, it's a pretty egotistical thought, and yet she can't help it when she knows if the shoe was on the other foot, she'd go to pieces without Kara.

J'onn just sits back, face guarded but his eyes muted with hope. "It will have to be."

Seldom have fewer words had such an impact on Alex. In due time, she will look back on J'onn's conservatively emphatic statement as her call to arms. It becomes her mantra every time she questions whether or not she's doing enough to convince Kara to hold on, to not give up after she's passed on.

Had she not had that brief conversation to fall back on, there are many times in the coming years she would have curled into a ball and surrendered all hope. But she doesn't. She remembers J'onn's subdued determination, remembers the plea underscoring it for her to give Kara the memories he hadn't got to make with his own family. Time and again, that unspoken petition inspires Alex to get up off her ass, stop sulking, and love on her woman with every last ounce of devotion she can muster.

In the end, all she can do is pray that it will be enough. The rest is up to Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 J'onn J'onzz. That is all.


	3. To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kara deal with their situation in the own way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " _Touch my world with your fingertips, And we can have forever. And we can love forever. Forever is our today._ " - Freddie Mercury from Queen's " _Who Wants To Live Forever_ "

Later on that night for Alex, an entertaining if not otherwise ordinary evening with her family culminates in an adventurous session of tucking the kiddos in. It's a welcome distraction from the grave conversation with J'onn that pretty much ruined her entire work day.

Hannah, in particular, is in rare form. A ball of energy pretty much every second she's awake, the precocious child with bouncing blonde curls only ever succumbs to sleep when she's tuckered herself out chasing her brother about the house or roping her mothers into one creative game after the next. Tonight, reining in the wily tyke requires both her mothers' cooperative efforts. Even working together to corral the little goober, Alex and Kara are both red faced from laughter and more exertion than should be required to trap a three year old between the coffee table and the couch, all so that one of them could snatch her up before she bolted away yet again shout-slash-giggling, " _Don't wanna go bed! Wanna pwaaaaay!_ " Alex, of course, is the one chosen to lug thirty pounds of squirming Energizer bunny to her bedroom.

Honestly, she is downright lucky sometimes that the kids super strength don't work on her. It's as if she is their own personal form of kryptonite, unable to be hurt by inhumanly powerful muscles that can, in her son's case, already bend railroad ties without needing to first heat them. Although fascinating to the biologist in her, the effect is something she refuses to study further out of sheer motherly fear that someone might discover it and use it to hurt her babies. Which isn't out of the realm of possibility since the world has been informed about Supergirl's family.

At a board meeting concerning a proposal for adding a Children's Wing to National City General Hospital, Kara decided to deliver an impromptu speech in support of the measure. As she spoke, she let it slip that her desire to see the new wing built was predominately anchored in wanting a place for she and her wife to take their own children should the need arise. Not that they would or could do so, when even Lena's top-tier tech wasn't exactly capable of treating Kryptonian-human hybrids. Kara, with her impossibly tender and trusting heart, had just been making a point.

But in the wake of that stunning admission, television pundits speculated endlessly about the identity of Supergirl's spouse. A multitude of articles were also published in various high traffic newspapers and blogs, many of which opined about how vital it was for National City's most famous heroine to be loud and proud about falling so comfortably within the confines of the progressive stack. Everyone who was anyone was clamoring to get the scoop straight from the source or to snap the first image of Supergirl's family and then plaster it across every available media outlet for the entire world to consume. In the end, as was a foregone conclusion, the Girl of Steel gave a candid and highly anticipated interview to none other than Cat Grant, bless the woman's deceptively sentimental heart, who came out of early retirement to smooth over her protégé's unplanned disclosure snafu.

Much of the hubbub died down after Cat helped Supergirl explain why it was so important for her family to remain private. Unfortunately, the damage was already done. Having such sensitive information circulating publicly played right into the hands of Supergirl's enemies, who suddenly had another target to acquire in their bigoted pursuit of vengeance against the alien who dared to save lives and ask for nothing in return for her selfless sacrifices. For the safety of Alex and the children, J'onn was forced to institute protections above and beyond what were already in place to keep Kara's alter ego severed from Kara Danvers, wife of Alex, mother of Jeremy and Hannah, and increasingly respected journalist nationwide. Thus far, the measures he instituted have been effective, which is a relief beyond the obvious.

Jeremy – their more subdued, introspective child – is of an age where he's starting to pick up on things that his mothers would prefer to shield him from. Such as that no matter how hard he tries to fit in, he'll never fully integrate by simple virtue of his DNA. He figured out two years ago all on his own that his blonde mother was moonlighting as a superhero who was openly alien, and thus immediately connected the dots that he isn't exactly human. The next day his parents confirmed his identity in as simple terms as she could, and while Jeremy accepted the information without going understandably ballistic, it nonetheless had a profound effect.

For weeks, he was withdrawn, contemplative, and, when not brooding in his room, moped about the house in a malaise that Alex recognized as the beginnings of depression. Unwilling to watch her son suffer needlessly, Alex sat down with Kara to discuss scheduling him an appointment with the resident DEO psychologist. To their relief, the doctor assured them there was nothing wrong with Jeremy, that he was coping better than most children his age would have, and that she thought he could benefit from further therapy, including family sessions that they now attend bi-monthly.

All of that is to say that she doesn't want to imagine what would happen were a sensitive child like Jeremy publicly exposed as a half-Kryptonian, half-human hybrid. Having to deal with that sort of excruciating stress on top of normal kid-slash-family dynamic issues is something no kid should go through. And if Alex has anything to say about it, her son certainly won't ever face such a dilemma. Whatever is necessary to protect her babies, she'll do it, up to and including premeditated murder. Kara doesn't need to know that last bit, though.

Thankfully, as if sensing the lingering tension between his moms, Jeremy is easy to convince this evening that it's time to turn in. Unlike Hannah, who flees screeching through peals of mischievous giggling, he simply shrugs, says, "Okay, Mom _,_ " then trundles up the stairs and disappears into his room to read for the additional allowance he'd successfully negotiated six months ago.

" _But,_ _Mom,_ " he'd said back then, full of bubbling excitement, " _I wanna read more about the water plumes venting from Enceladus! It's so cool!_ "

How was Alex was supposed to say no to that? Because, hello, it was so unbelievably cool! And her son being a total nerd just like her? That was even _cooler_!

The trouble with him – if it can be accurately labeled as such – comes an hour later after his moms have enjoyed some snuggle time on the couch watching a movie. Or rather sort of watching it, as they spend half the time getting reacquainted to their typical level of what Lucy Lane would, with a theatrical roll of the eyes, describe as ' _Danversing_.'

The term is Lucy's cheeky method of expressing both an envious acknowledgement of the effortless intimacy Alex has always shared with Kara and a lamentation that she's yet to find the same for herself. Which is totally Lucy's own fault, an undisputable fact Alex has pointed out more than once. There is a certain Kryptonian General who has been secretly pining over the DEO's resident bossy little firecracker ever since they sparred in the kryptonite training room and Lucy knocked her out cold. Apparently to Astra, that was as good as foreplay. Lucy has yet to make a move, but Alex thinks it's going to happen soon, particularly since Kara has been buttering up her aunt to do the same, so that hopefully the two idiots meet in the middle.

In any case, as the movie plays in the background, mostly ignored, gentle petting transitions into trading languid kisses, which shifts into something a bit too indecent considering that their kids, their kids with _super-hearing_ , are just upstairs. And that one of them is still awake. To avoid embarrassing themselves, and their son, they douse the embers of passion before they burst into full fledged flames.

When the movie is over, on the way to bed themselves, Kara pokes her head through the crack in Jeremy's door to bid him a customary, "Lights off, hon. Love you."

Rather than nod and obey as per the norm, Jeremy instead casually gazes back at her and asks, "Mom, are you still sad about that movie you guys watched last night?"

Alex says nothing, just stands stock still as Kara glances back questioningly over her shoulder. Her avoidance of the issue at hand is over, and she's not prepared to face it. Not yet.

When Alex continues to be unresponsive, Kara nudges the door open and pads into the room. Falling gently onto her knees beside the bed, she takes the book from Jeremy's hands, conscientiously marks the page with his prized Batman bookmark, autographed by the man himself, and then places it on the nightstand before grasping his hands.

"I'm not sad about the movie anymore," she says. "Why did you think I was?" Alex waits with bated breath for an answer.

Jeremy's shrug is visible over his taller mother's left shoulder. "You just still look sad is all. Not like you were before, but still sad, and I don't like it. It's not right for you to be sad."

Alex has to slip past the door to lean her back against the wall so that her son can't see her cry. Because he's right. Kara being sad is wrong on just about every level possible. And Alex hates that she's the cause of it, hates that she's the one that dimmed Kara's sunshine, not only for herself but for her kids, whose happiness and general well-being is her primary concern.

Stupid gray hair! Stupid _her_ for being such a callous idiot to parade it in Kara's face like that without a clue as to what sort of message she might be sending to Kara. She might as well have crowed, " _Hey, babe, check this out! I'm gonna die! Yeah, that's right, I'm gonna wither and shrink until I'm nothing but a bag of wrinkled skin and depleted bones whose misery you won't experience because you'll still be in the flower of your youth. Oh, and guess what? There's absolutely nothing you can do about it!_ " And then capped the whole assholish performance off with a celebratory dance upon the grave of Kara's heart.

Alex isn't sure how long she stands in the hallway berating herself. She just knows that eventually Kara comes back out of Jeremy's room, sees her miserable state, then wordlessly drags her by the hand into the bedroom. Once Kara has maneuvered Alex back to the bed and eased her down, she sits silently, tears intermittently falling down her cheeks as her celestial wife closes the door, then goes about disrobing her down to her skivvies and naught else. Kara leaves Alex that way, bare-breasted and emotionally raw, as she too strips down to only her panties. She then ambles up to Alex and kneels before her in much the same way she just did their son, just with a less comforting aura and more reverent one.

Neck craned up, arms around Alex's thighs and hips, Kara pulls Alex closer until her chest is flush against Alex's belly. "I love you," she says, then dips down to press a series of lingering kisses to the valley between Alex's breasts. She then turns her head and lays it above Alex's heart, tenderly nuzzling her cheek into the flushed flesh. "More than anything in the world, I love you. More than the sun and the stars. More than I ever did Krypton or my parents. More than my own life. Last night I...I had to face reality, and I wasn't ready. I won't ever _be_ ready." She tilts her head up so that Alex is gazing into half-terrified azure pools. A lone tear slivers down a ruddy cheek as Kara adds with breathy despair, "I don't wanna lose you, Alex. I don't think I could take it. You're in my soul, and you _are_ my heart. How am I supposed to live without my heart? Huh?"

It's an excellent question, and one Alex isn't prepared to answer. Since discussing the matter with J'onn, she's been rolling around a scenario in her head where she is in Kara's place and Kara in hers. Imagining having to live for God only knows how long, and that with a perfect memory that can recall intricate details the human brain does not possess the capacity to store. Being able to recall every last freckle across Kara's nose, that peculiar teardrop shaped scar next to her left brow, the ideal shape and weight of her breasts, the intricate texture of her irises, the individual strands of her glorious mane of hair...to see the love in those eyes every time she closed her eyes, would be the most inhumane form of torture. Essentially, she would be stuck in a constant loop of seeing Kara everywhere, in everything, and when not being haunted by her indelible image, endlessly replaying their shared lives in ultra high definition until she at last drove herself completely bonkers.

Although Alex believes Kara is so much stronger than her, strong enough to survive her death, she isn't at all sure what will remain of the girl she fell in love with and the woman who is her greatest and only true hero. Because there is no maneuvering around the fact that some part of Kara will die with her. Maybe the lion's share, even. Which isn't to say that Alex is so amazing that losing her would destroy whoever it was she left behind so much as Kara just loves so hard that she'll do the destroying all by herself.

Alex has seen Kara on Red K enough times to know what manner of darkness her mostly cherubic wife carries around inside. She's seen her meek alien turn into a malicious goddess whose sole desire was to instill fear and inspire worship in the hearts of National City's citizens. She bears bodily reminders that prove Kara's love has the potential for violence, and not just from that first incident. Since they were married, Alex has incurred new scars from a poisoned wife who not only bit her multiple times hard enough to break the skin, but when afforded with enough privacy in a dank, abandoned alleyway downtown, took Alex from behind against an unforgiving brick and mortar wall that left her with oozing abrasions to her palms, forearms, and elbows in addition to mottled bruises from flank to thigh. When Kara recovered from that specific dose of Red K, she hid from Alex – and the rest of the world – for an entire month. The only good to come of the ordeal was that both of them discovered thresholds for pain in their pleasure that, on occasion, they slowly thereafter experiment with in the controlled environment of their bedroom, red sun lamps included to curtail Kara's powers.

But the impulses that Kara let loose on the world, and on Alex, during those horrifying encounters were not conjured up solely by the Red K. The thoughts were already there, just under Kara's constantly and tightly monitored control. But what if losing Alex proves to be the impetus for those carefully maintained restraints to well and truly break without requiring the toxicity of Red K? Would Kara turn in to the monster she has always feared she might become? Or would she be so broken that she'd simply wilt and give up on ever being happy again? Neither are palatable options for Alex.

But what can she do to prevent such a catastrophe? J'onn's suggestions are fine and dandy, but what if constant reassurance and abiding love wasn't enough?

Stuttering out broken sobs at the thought of Kara's sunshine ever being permanently extinguished, Alex buries her hands in lustrous, golden curls she adores. One of her favorite habits to indulge in before bed is braiding Kara's hair, and Alex wishes she could be doing that rather than dealing with the shitty hand fate has seemingly dealt them.

"I don't want that for you, either," she says, voice thick with emotion. "You know that, don't you?"

At that, Kara pulls away to reveal liquid blue eyes and a quivering lower lip. "Yeah, of course I do. But it's gonna happen anyway, isn't it? One day, you're gonna leave me."

Shaking her head, Alex rails against the universe for the unfairness of bringing them together just to tear them apart via the gradual cruelty of entropy. "I don't want to," she says, hoarse from her effort to keep from openly weeping. "God, I don't, Kar... I want to stay with you forever. And it's...it's _killing_ me to know what this is going to do to you! But what am I supposed to do about it? How am I supposed to fix it? Because I can't stop being human."

"And I can't stop being Kryptonian," says Kara, seemingly resigned, and so terribly sad that all Alex can do is tug her up into a searing kiss that soon enough has them both moaning and rolling their thinly covered hips together.

"No matter what happens, no matter how _it_ happens, we will be together again," Alex says when they part, lightly panting. "I have to believe that. So do you. And until that day? Well, we'll just have to make the most of our time together, won't we?"

When Kara nods somewhat sorrowfully, pooled tears spilling over her the barrier of her lids to tumble down a rosy cheek, Alex scoots back up onto the bed, guiding Kara long with her. As the moon beams faint, pale stands of light through the windows, they make a brand new set of memories. Slowly, thoroughly, they mark and tease and pleasure one another to the point of hysteria until Alex loses count of how many times she comes, and of how many times Kara is reduced to a shuddering heap of limbs in her arms. All she knows is that the night is nearly spent by the time they are.

In the heady afterglow, huddled together under thin sheets once their skin is cool and dry, Alex whispers promises that she knows she can't keep. She knows she won't live forever. Any number of things could cut her life short, a stray bullet, a car wreck, a plane crash, an explosion in the lab...and there is no escaping the impossibly long arm of the Reaper. And though Kara knows these things just as well as Alex does, she doesn't bother to reprimand the benevolent lies. They both need them to keep going. Kara for her future sanity, and Alex for her present.

And as Alex falls asleep to the steady thrumming of Kara's lioness heart, she prays to a God she stopped believing in after he failed to bring her dad back. She prays that the life she and Kara live together will be as long as humanly possible and filled with happiness that cannot be measured, or qualified, or replicated with a billion intensive experiments. She prays that whenever she dies, it won't be a long and torturous affair, but that she'll slip away quietly in her sleep, where she belongs: in the arms of the woman who is to her the singular meaning behind the entirety of existence. She prays that the kids will live on at their nigh-on immortal mother's side, and that they, along with their great aunt Astra, will keep Kara company and serve as the same kind of reminder to her of Alex as Jeremy is now of Zor-El. She also prays that Kara will be brave when that day arrives, that she'll continue living after Alex has ceased to do so, that she'll keep on saving the lives from the forces that stand against everything they, as a couple, have stood for _._ Because the world still needs, and always will need, Supergirl.

But most of all, Alex prays that someday, long in the future when even Kryptonians have succumbed to the ravages of time, she and her beloved alien girl will be reunited in Rao's Eternal Light. There, they will live forever surrounded by family and friends and the tranquility that can only come from having lived life to its fullest and loved with as much fervency as the mortal heart can muster. It's the least reward due to Kara, who has suffered more than any being ought to be asked to, and with more grace and compassion than possibly could have been expected of her. Whatever force lies behind the cosmos, call it god or fate or destiny or karma, it owes Kara at least that much.

And if it won't give it to her? Well, hell, Alex will just have to force it's fickle hand. That would undoubtedly be the most worthwhile cause for which she exercised her extensive, grueling combat training. And the most fun. Smiling now at the idea of kicking fate's ass for her girl, Alex slips into the netherworld of dreams.

There, she finds herself in a grassy meadow, lounging with Kara upon a blue and white checkered blanket. It's a ridiculously perfect day. The bluest skies she's ever observed stretch out overhead, dotted by billowy white cloud puffs fashioned in various animals shapes – one of them, Alex thinks with bemusement, is an otter at play. An unusually enormous crimson sun shines brightly overhead, bathing the area in a warmth that settles down deep into her muscles and bones, suffusing her with energy that has her head crystal clear and her body practically humming.

 _Is this how Kara feels all the time on Earth?_ Alex thinks, glancing down at her mostly bare legs, which are sporting the beginnings of a nice tan that Kara will appreciate.

They're dressed for late spring, Alex notices, as she is in a white Oxford blouse, sleeves rolled up to her elbows, top two buttons left open, and rolled up navy cargo shorts. Meanwhile Kara is arrayed in an airy baby blue sundress with large white dots, the hemline of which stops halfway up her bronzed thighs. Both are barefoot and wearing smiles of utter contentment.

In the near distance, their four children romp freely about, laughing as they chase butterflies, pick daffodils and daisies, and carelessly blow the seeds off of dandelions. Their extended families watch from the periphery – the entire breadth of them, Alex's father and Kara's parents included.

Indescribable joy suffuses Alex's entire being. She turns to Kara, who gazes back with all the love in the universe dancing radiantly within the azure depths of those gorgeous eyes, and says, "I told you we'd be together again."

Kara's responding laugh is the heavenly song of the Seraphim. "You did say that," she says a beat later. Her eyes twinkle merrily. "Always have to be right, don't you?"

"You know it," Alex grins, "and you love it 'cause you love me!"

Expression serene, posture relaxed, head tilting just so, Kara smiles that cheeky yet soft smile, the one that sets off all sorts of delicious sensations in Alex's body. "More than you'll ever know," she says, then slowly leans in, eyes flitting down to Alex's mouth in anticipation.

When their lips meet, Alex swears she hears the affected sighing of divine beings without name and the faint, lyrical humming of the strings that comprise all that is and ever shall be. It's a moment of perfection within a perfect moment, a scene to be captured for posterity, an epitomical exchange between two souls entwined from conception over the vast reaches of space. It's the kiss of all kisses, or at least it is until the next one, which is then replaced by the next one after that, on into eternity.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone found some meaning in this contemplative piece of sentimentality. I know I thoroughly enjoyed exploring the theme of Kara and Alex facing down Alex's inevitable death vs. Kara's condemnation to outlast the love of her life. In the end, I left the story vague for several reasons. Firstly, I don't know how long Kara would live, nor does she really. Also, I really felt like the piece needed to be focused in on that singular moment in their lives where the reality of their inevitable situation truly dawned on them, and they had to deal with it or let it destroy them. But mainly, I don't want to tell anyone what happens, aside from admitting I do have a canon - if you want to call it that - conclusion in my mind, which I hinted at in the closing paragraphs.
> 
> With that, I'm calling this one done! Thanks everyone for reading, leaving Kudos, and in particular, I want to leave a huge effusion of gratitude for those who commented. Y'all are what makes writing fanfiction such a rewarding endeavor. 
> 
> My next Kalex piece is slated for posting around Christmas time. It'll be similar in length to this, and funny enough, deal with a similar topic, just from another angle. See y'all then!
> 
> P.S. The title of this chapter, if anyone is wondering, is from Hamlet's famous "To be or not to be" speech which hits on this subject pretty awesomely.


End file.
